So there’s a war going on and you’re worried about getting drafted. Well here are 15 surefire ways to make sure you’re ineligible to be drafted. No war for you!
1. Hold a highly important civilian job
If you’re lucky enough to already hold an essential job, great! If not, you should probably get one quick. In World War 2 coal mining was considered an essential job.
2. Go to college
College students can get student deferments in order to study during war times. Some famous politicians such as Joe Biden had one of these deferments to avoid the Vietnam draft.
3. Runaway to Canada
Running away to Canada was a very common form of draft dodging in the Vietnam War.
4. Runaway to Mexico
Running away to Mexico could be the new running away to Canada. Mexico is very unlikely to extradite you back to the US just so you can be drafted.
5. Pretend to be transgender
It may not be the nicest option, but transitioning people are currently ineligible for military service.
6. Have children who need your care
If you are the sole carer for children you are very unlikely to be drafted. It’s not guaranteed but it can certainly help your odds.
7. Makeup that you have hearing loss
People with very poor hearing are disqualified from military service. When the military recruiter asks you questions just yell “WHAT?” To every question, they ask you. It will be super convincing, I swear.
8. Give yourself an Advanced Dental Disease
If you have advanced dental disease you are also ineligible for military service. If you’re worried about an upcoming conflict start cramming in the candy and sugary drinks now. As much as you can, as fast as you can.
9. Weight deficiencies
Having weight deficiencies can disallow you from active duty. So if binge eating candy isn’t for you. Alternatively, you could starve yourself If that’s the way you want to go.
10. Fake Vision loss
Poor vision is a big reason many people are ineligible for duty. You’re going to have to really sell this one. Being unable to read any letter on the eye test chart on the wall will probably be necessary for this one.
11. Pretend to have mental health issues
You should never pretend to have mental health issues, it takes away from people who are truly suffering. But, if it saves your life is 100% worth it. No question.
12. Become a clergyman
A clergyman is a leader within a religious community. Religious leaders are also exempt from being drafted. It’s a very high up, respected position and is thought of as being more important than being a soldier and fighting in the war. Whether you agree with that logic or not is up to you. But if you decide to agree you may be able to avoid the draft.
13. Become a congressman
Congressmen, like clergymen, are thought of as being above the draft. It is funny that the people who wrote the laws of being drafted excluded themselves, isn’t it? By becoming a member of Congress you can do two things. One, avoid being drafted. And two, push through laws that abolish the draft. If you’re someone who is determined to avoid being drafted, I’m sure you have no issue making sure other people can’t be drafted either!
14. Become Amish
Amish people belong to what’s called a peace church, this means they aren’t under any obligation to serve in the military and are exempt from being drafted. You will, of course, have to go live in an Amish community. I hope you like churning butter by hand.
15. Go on a Mormon mission
Mormon missionaries are exempt from military service, you can go on a mission for 2 years and hope that the war will be over and done with by the time that you return. It’s a bit of a gamble that the war is less than two years, but it might work out for you.
It’s very likely that the draft won’t be brought back around. But if it is, hopefully, this list will help keep you safe. Well, Safe-ish.